College Romances: The Lost Art of Actually Dating

BY CHRISTIANNA CASALETTO // MARCH 23, 2016 //

When is the last time you went on a date with someone? Really went on a date with someone, because no, Netflix and Chill doesn’t count.

I mean a pick-you-up-at-the-front-door date. Going out to dinner or a movie, and learning about each other, before being dropped off and watched as you get in your house safely before driving away kind of date. But who has the time for all of that?

For better or worse, we live in a generation concerned with selfie likes and favorites on tweets, a generation looking for instant gratification. Why be concerned with tomorrow when you can be satisfied today? Are you really in a relationship with someone if it isn’t Facebook official? If you aren’t his #womancrushwednesday every week, what’s the point?

What has been lost in recent years is the idea of real dating. Dating is NOT “talking”. Dating is NOT being in a relationship or having the boyfriend(s)/girlfriend(s) title. But maybe the problem is that it’s easier to say what dating ISN’T instead of what it IS.

The fact that dictionary.com doesn’t even have a definition for the word says a lot. However, urbandictionary.com defines dating as “the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully-fledged couple.” Better known as the stage between.

The idea of dating has been lost because it’s easier to text someone a few times, meet up, and hook-up, rather than taking the time to really get to know someone and committing to that person. But we don’t see the point in committing when we have so many options for social media hookup through sites like Tinder and OkCupid.

It seems our generation would rather hook-up, and risk awkward eye contact in the quad while avoiding each other altogether in the dining hall, than to dare to arrange a real date.

I’m not saying exploring your options is a bad thing, it’s actually a great thing! But why have we created a mindset that whoever cares less wins? Sure, caring less can be comfortable. You’ll never be vulnerable or have to face rejection. But you’re only building walls and closing doors.

Dating doesn’t mean an end-all to a fun and care free lifestyle. It means finding someone who you can share your fun and care free lifestyle with. There’s nothing more satisfying than finding someone who really gets you, who will be there with you through it all and be your shoulder to lean on. But the only way to find that person – your person – is to take a chance on really dating.

It’s time we stop playing games, learn to communicate beyond emojis, and dare to date.

Dating in the Digital Age

BY CHRISTIANNA CASALETTO // MARCH 31, 2015 //

Each decade has a staple idea of relationships and how to approach them. It wasn’t until after the 1980s that cellphones became popular, probably due to the influence of the dreamy Zack Morris (of “Saved by the Bell” fame, of course).

But the use of technology in everyday life has seemingly taken over much of life. According to one Internet trend report, people check their phones an average of 150 times per day. Per day!

PHOTO BY TOM BREAM, creative commons
PHOTO BY TOM BREAM, creative commons

A significant amount of time spent on technology is in the pursuit of love, or lust. This includes Instagram stalking, post liking, social media checking, and the such. Hearing of a relationship that didn’t evolve from a text or “friending” someone is almost nonexistent today.

We are a generation concerned with selfie likes and tweet favorites, a generation looking for instant gratification and public confirmation. Are you really in a relationship with someone if it isn’t Facebook official? If you aren’t his #womancrushwednesday every week, then what’s the point?

The point is we need to disconnect so we can learn how to truly connect.

Things as simple as holding a phone conversation or — gasp! — talking face-to-face have become major challenges for many young people. Instead of talking to a partner about one’s problems, people send a paragraph-long text about how much they care. Instead of approaching the boy/girl you find attractive, and telling them how you feel, it’s easier to “like” an Instagram post or to “favorite” a tweet.

An “LOL” or smiley face emoji will not compare to hearing a true, hardy laugh at a witty joke. A text won’t comfort someone the same way a heartfelt hug would. And “I love you” sounds a million times better when said in person.

The only way to save ourselves from an emotionless life of digital relationships is to change the way we approach dating, like a Boston College professor asked her class to do. Push yourselves out of your comfort zone. Take a risk and go up to the girl or guy you’ve been crushing on. Don’t tweet about them using code words. Talk…to…them.

If we don’t make some changes, and soon, human-to-human interaction will become unnecessary altogether. We will become a group of mute, robotic beings who send kissy face emojis when the priest texts the groom “to kiss the bride.”

Freedom of Relationship Choice

BY COLE MCNANNA // NOV. 21, 2014 //

There are two types of college students: those who are in a relationship, and those who prefer not to be in one because they enjoy the freedom.

College is often looked upon as a four-year party. You’re having the time of your life with your future groomsmen or bridesmaids. You’re not necessarily looking for Mr. or Ms. Right. These are supposed to be the best four years of young adults’ lives, and most young people do not want to be in a committed relationship.

Most advice online suggests taking it slow. Some people actively regret they weren’t more carefree in their younger years, particularly where relationships were concerned. That person you’re crying over today won’t likely matter down the road, and you’re bound to find someone a lot better.

PHOTO BY MTSOfan // creative commons
PHOTO BY MTSOfan // creative commons

However, if you would like to be in a relationship in college, there are a couple things to know. In college, there is a lot more free time and you can spend it with that special someone. That’s important, since you won’t have all that much history with one another. In high school, you tend to know the people you’re with. In college, that’s not always the case. It takes more to start up and maintain a college relationship.

In the end, I’m still happy to be in a long-distance relationship with my high school girlfriend. It has been new and challenging, but we have made it work. You can too.

Or don’t. That’s the thing about freedom. You have choices.

The Truth About Relationships

BY TANYA WILLIAMS // FEB. 14, 2014 //

At Curry, as well as many other colleges and universities, the term “relationship” is rarely used. There are the select few who subject themselves to the joy and/or hell of a boyfriend or girlfriend, and good for them.

But why do so many college students refuse to “settle down” with one person?

YmZlMmJkNTA1OCMvY0pvaXVCM0J1NVRLMDRFYlZxZmZnYmFOR1l3PS84NDB4NTMwL3NtYXJ0L2ZpbHRlcnM6cXVhbGl0eSg3NSk6c3RyaXBfaWNjKDEpL2h0dHAlM0ElMkYlMkZzMy5hbWF6b25hd3MuY29tJTJGcG1idWNrZXQlMkZzaXRlJTJGYXJ0aWNsZXMlMkYxNzc0MSUyRm9yaWdpbmFsLmpwZw==For guys, it’s often because they want as many notches as possible in their proverbial belts during their carefree college years. As for girls, too many are too stuck up and believe that guys on campus aren’t worth a commitment. They often think that guys are more mature and better looking in the “real world” somewhere off campus (kudos for the optimism, I suppose).

Of course, that doesn’t mean girls and guys on college campuses avoid each other. Heck no! It just means we routinely find ourselves in unclear situations. By the way, studies have shown this isn’t simply a millennial issue.

Most college students live away from home, and sometimes in co-ed buildings. There are no curfews and no adult supervision. Of course we are going to make some questionable Friday night decisions. One’s college years are supposed to involve “mistakes,” and maybe even a few regrets.

But none of that means we can’t at least try to clear up some of those awkward situations and conversations in advance.

Guys, tell a girl your honest intentions. I promise it will help, not hurt you. What will hurt is the emotionally unstable girl whose yoga pants are cutting off the circulation to her brain, and who thought your sweet nothings meant more than a single night together.

As for the girls: Never believe what a guy is telling you (unless he’s complimenting you; compliments never hurt anyone!). Stay honest and be upfront. It will save both parties from uncertainties down the road.

For those of you who are looking for something that extends beyond a college dorm room, don’t look while wearing beer goggles. If you are interested in someone, address them before a party, whether in class or in the dining hall. Forming a real relationship before getting liquored up makes a huge difference.

But most importantly, have fun in college. Kiss a lot of people. And never let your Friday night be anything more or less than fun.

When to Meet the Parents

BY ALYSSA MCCANN // NOV.12, 2013 //

One night you’re meeting at a party. Before you know it, you’re eating dinner with her family!

With the holiday seasons coming around the corner, many new couples are wondering if they should take their relationship to the next level: meeting the parents.

Meet The Parents 1Yes, it makes me cringe, too. Awkward and nerve-racking, meeting the parents is never easy. But following these steps helped me, and they just might help you as well.

  • Know what you want to do after college (or pretend you do), because you will likely have to field the question
  • Socialize with everyone when you meet the family; try to get to know everyone
  • If your significant other has a brother or a sister, hang out with them. Their opinions of you also matter
  • Be sweet to family members; show them that you actually care. For example, clean up after them or give them a compliment.

There are lots of other tips out there. The biggest question comes before all of that, though. WHEN do you know you’re ready to meet the parents? My opinion is when you and your partner feel comfortable enough with each another, and when you also feel that your relationship is meaningful enough to share it with family members. Not everyone you date falls into that category!

For college-age guys and girls, avoid the family meet and greet if you’re simply in the “talking” stage of a relationship. The “talking” stage was invented by our generation, and it’s the stage in which you’re simply getting to know someone without committing to anything more. I will never understand it.

But my best advice is to wait it out. You can express to your family there is someone you are seeing, but hold off on a formal meeting until you’re truly confident in the health of your relationship.

Dating someone is hard enough. Having your family constantly asking about the person you’re dating is even harder. Make sure you’re ready for that kind of commitment.