College Romances: The Lost Art of Actually Dating


When is the last time you went on a date with someone? Really went on a date with someone, because no, Netflix and Chill doesn’t count.

I mean a pick-you-up-at-the-front-door date. Going out to dinner or a movie, and learning about each other, before being dropped off and watched as you get in your house safely before driving away kind of date. But who has the time for all of that?

For better or worse, we live in a generation concerned with selfie likes and favorites on tweets, a generation looking for instant gratification. Why be concerned with tomorrow when you can be satisfied today? Are you really in a relationship with someone if it isn’t Facebook official? If you aren’t his #womancrushwednesday every week, what’s the point?

What has been lost in recent years is the idea of real dating. Dating is NOT “talking”. Dating is NOT being in a relationship or having the boyfriend(s)/girlfriend(s) title. But maybe the problem is that it’s easier to say what dating ISN’T instead of what it IS.

The fact that doesn’t even have a definition for the word says a lot. However, defines dating as “the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully-fledged couple.” Better known as the stage between.

The idea of dating has been lost because it’s easier to text someone a few times, meet up, and hook-up, rather than taking the time to really get to know someone and committing to that person. But we don’t see the point in committing when we have so many options for social media hookup through sites like Tinder and OkCupid.

It seems our generation would rather hook-up, and risk awkward eye contact in the quad while avoiding each other altogether in the dining hall, than to dare to arrange a real date.

I’m not saying exploring your options is a bad thing, it’s actually a great thing! But why have we created a mindset that whoever cares less wins? Sure, caring less can be comfortable. You’ll never be vulnerable or have to face rejection. But you’re only building walls and closing doors.

Dating doesn’t mean an end-all to a fun and care free lifestyle. It means finding someone who you can share your fun and care free lifestyle with. There’s nothing more satisfying than finding someone who really gets you, who will be there with you through it all and be your shoulder to lean on. But the only way to find that person – your person – is to take a chance on really dating.

It’s time we stop playing games, learn to communicate beyond emojis, and dare to date.

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2 replies »

  1. Agreed. I think the idea of actually trying to find someone to date through something such as Tinder or OkCupid can be slightly superficial. This is not to talk down to people who do that, nor that doing so is a waste of time, but I just think that if you are looking for “the one”, it would be beneficial to avoid limiting yourself to only looking online. Again, very nice piece of writing.

  2. Very Powerful piece and said quite eloquently. You said what a lot of people are thinking and to some its relieving to see that someone is saying something about it.

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